Fetish and BDSM practices have appeared in mainstream media more frequently over the past few years. No longer is it off-limits to talk about your kinks; partners are now finding ways to work their fantasies into their sex lives and explore. Whilst this is good for the overall acceptance of kink and working towards stamping out taboos, it also presents the issue of unsafe kink being practiced due to lack of experience and incorrect example media (we’re looking at you 50 Shades…). Dirty Minds Media are here to give you a beginner’s guide to fetish safety so you can enjoy those dark desires without causing long lasting harm.

What is BDSM?

In case you’re new here and have no idea what BDSM stands for, let us break it down for you – it stands for bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, and sadism & masochism. This is the umbrella term for any kinky desire you might have.

The Difference Between Kink and Fetish

Some people use the word fetish and kink interchangeably. It is important to note there is a difference between them both, but they do overlap. 

Fetish – a fetish is defined as a sexual fixation on a certain object or act that is necessary for a person to achieve sexual gratification. This is usually something that isn’t inherently sexual, like feet or leather.

Kink – a kink is an alternative sexual preference that goes beyond the ‘norm’ of sexual fantasies and desires such as roleplay, spanking and bondage. 

The easy way to see it, is that all fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes. What some people enjoy adding to the bedroom might be something that someone needs in their sex life to feel sexually fulfilled (fetish). For example, if someone has a spanking kink, they could still walk away from a sexual encounter without spanking feeling sexually satisfied. Someone with a spanking fetish, however, would need that spanking to truly feel fulfilled. 

Making BDSM and Fetish Play Safe

Now you’re a little more clued up, lets investigate how you can fulfil your fetishes and kinks in the safest way possible. Let’s be real – kink and the things associated with it always carry risk. Anything that involves placing your trust and safety into another person’s hands is a little dangerous. Of course, that’s part of the fun – messing with peoples minds and bodies, exploring limits and pushing boundaries, but you need to find a way of doing it safely. 

Safe, Sane and Consensual – SSC 

This is the most known safety practice within BDSM. SSC stands for safe, sane, and consensual. Following this code allows you to question yourself during scenes with your partner – is it the safe thing to do? Is it the sane thing to do? Do we both consent to this? It is important that both you and your partner agree that what you’re doing is safe, sane, and consensual. 

Risk-Aware Consensual Kink – RACK

RACK was developed for those who felt SSC was too vague. It allows you to break it down further. Being risk-aware means you should be able to name the risks involved with the scene you’re doing. You should also be aware on how to prevent these risks. Once again, the consent should be there from both parties.

Safe Words Within Fetish and BDSM

You might have heard this term thrown around. A safe word is a certain word or phrase that has been decided on prior to a kinky scene by both partners. Should this word or phrase be said by any consenting party, the scene will stop immediately. This word should be something unrelated to whatever you’re partaking in and can’t be something like ‘stop’ or ‘no’. This is because some people like to play out scenes in which they consensually fight back. Many people use odd words like ‘banana’. 

Traffic Light System 

Some people like to use the traffic light system separately from (or even in conjunction with) a safe word. Many like to use this as it doesn’t always mean the play has to stop straight away. It allows for the perfect way for a dominant to check in on a submissive. The submissive can answer with the following:

Green – everything is okay, and I want the scene to continue. 

Yellow/Orange – everything is good but it’s a little intense, however, I’m not at my limit yet. Slowing down might be the best option.

Red – Stop, I am at my limit, or I am uncomfortable. 

Once a red is called by the submissive, the dominant can either take the intensity back to the yellow level or they can stop the scene immediately so you can discuss it. Your normal safe word can be used in conjunction with this system. 

Aftercare for BDSM and Fetish

Something that is vital with fetish and BDSM play is aftercare, for everyone involved. A scene in which limits have been tested can endure a lot of mental, emotional, and physical strain. Many dominants and submissives experience drops at the end of scenes due to the comedown after endorphins have been released. It is vital both people feel good, warm and are tended to after the scene. This includes ice for bruises, cuddles and discussing the feelings within the scene.

Taking the Leap…

If you’re not quite ready to practice BDSM in the bedroom or open your partner to a specific fetish you have, that’s okay! Dirty Minds Media have a range of fetish porn on our site, including armpit and feet worship, that are sure to tide you over until you’re ready to practice safely within your own sex life! What are you waiting for – come and see what we’re all about and who knows, maybe you’ll discover a new fetish or two along the way.